Learning to set healthy boundaries is a pivotal component of improving mental health. Whether that’s learning to set boundaries at work, boundaries in relationships, or boundaries with family, escaping from people-pleasing behavior and cultivating the power of saying no can drastically change your personal mental health landscape.
Need some professional support to help you create these boundaries? Find an Elite DNA location near you to talk to the mental health experts.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is the process of setting personal limits on where you are and aren’t willing to spend your time, energy, and motivation. It’s not just a practice of learning to say no, but how to start prioritizing your own mental health and well-being, spending your time and energy where you see fit, and protecting yourself from undue stress or pressure from the people surrounding you.
Some of the ways you can set healthy benefits are by:
Saying No for Mental Health
Boundaries protect you from experiencing excess stress and feeling overwhelmed. When you struggle to say no to friends or family, you can often find yourself burning the candle at both ends and not taking enough time for rest or recovery.
This can quickly lead to growing mental health challenges if left unchecked. Research has repeatedly shown that excess stress is often the catalyst for developing a mental health disorder such as:
- Depression
- Anxiety disorders
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
- Personality disorders
For people who are already living with a mental health challenge, excess stress can exacerbate your symptoms and leave you feeling worse than ever.
Learning to set boundaries can relieve you of this stress, and in turn provide protective mental health benefits.
Prioritizing Your Own Life
When you’re constantly looking out for the needs and wants of others, you can often find that your own desires are left on the back burner. By learning the power of saying no, you provide yourself with the opportunity to spend more time focusing on your interests, your passions, and what matters most to you.
Whether that’s making time for self-care, engaging in a hobby, or simply taking some time alone, all of these can be important components of maintaining your well-being.
Creating Work-Life Balance
The workplace is one of the most important places to practice healthy boundary-setting. Not being able to say no to your employer can lead to working overtime, getting home late, taking your work home with you, and not having an opportunity to rest and relax. This can ultimately lead to the experience of burnout, or experiencing a loss of interest, motivation, or energy in the workplace.
According to the American Psychological Association, two-thirds of workers in the United States have experienced these symptoms in the last month. If you value your time away from work and want to keep a healthier work-life balance, learning to set assertive boundaries with your employer and coworkers is a critical first step.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries doesn’t always come naturally. Rather, it’s a skill that takes time and effort to learn but can pay dividends for your mental health and well-being. If you’re trying to incorporate boundaries into your everyday life, there are four key steps to follow to make sure your boundaries are strong, healthy, and productive:
1. Decide Your Limits
The first step in healthy boundary setting is determining exactly what your capacities and limits are. Taking this step first, before implementing your boundaries, can establish what you’re ready to take on, what you’re comfortable with, and what takes too much energy for you.
In deciding your limits, it can be helpful to think of the different types of boundaries you want to set. For example:
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries revolve around personal space, comfort, and privacy. For example: are you comfortable hugging strangers, or do you prefer a handshake? What are your expectations of intimacy on a first, second, or third date? Do you feel uncomfortable when people enter your private space without permission? These are all personal decisions that outline your physical boundaries.
Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries outline how you expect to be treated. Ask yourself what level of emotional support you need from your important relationships, what emotions you’re willing to share with others, and how you expect other people to treat you when asking for your help. Managing emotional boundaries in this way can save you from uncomfortable situations and help you retain your emotional and behavioral health.
Financial Boundaries
Financial or material boundaries dictate what you are and aren’t willing to share with others. This could mean that you’re happy to pick up the bill at a restaurant so long as it’s reciprocated, or that you’re not willing to loan out your possessions to friends.
Time Boundaries
Your time is important. Determine how much time you need for yourself, your work, or your obligations before deciding to share it with others.
2. Be Direct
When it comes time to set boundaries with others, the most important component of a strong and healthy boundary is direct and assertive communication. Boundaries should be clear, concise, and unambiguous.
One effective way to make your boundaries as direct as possible is to use “I” statements. “I” statements are a structured method of placing the emphasis of a boundary on you and your needs, which can help prevent any resistance to a firm and direct boundary. “I” statements have four main components:
- “When you __________,”
- “I feel ___________,”
- “Because __________.”
- “In the future, I would prefer __________.”
An example of an “I” statement boundary would be “When you bring up my personal issues in front of your friends, I feel angry because I shared them with you in confidence. In the future, I would prefer that you not share my personal information without my consent.”
Not all boundaries need to be in the form of “I” statements. Simply saying “no” is a boundary. Saying you’re not available is a boundary. Setting boundaries is simply the practice of direct communication about where your limits are, and what you are or aren’t willing to do for others.
3. Practice Saying No
Knowing your limits and understanding how to set boundaries are important first steps — but most people will need to practice this skill repeatedly to become more comfortable. If you’ve tended toward people-pleasing in the past, it can be nerve-wracking to start setting boundaries. But once you begin, you’ll start to recognize the power of saying no and the boost to self-esteem and happiness that you get from setting healthy boundaries.
4. Hold to Your Boundaries and Handle Pushback
Holding your boundaries can often be the most challenging element. After setting a boundary, it’s important to stay firm, remember your priorities, and not change your answer when you feel social pressure.
If you experience pushback, be honest about why you’ve set your boundaries in the first place. Offer alternatives if it’s within your comfort level. Stay calm, firmly reiterate your boundaries, and acknowledge the other person’s feelings without altering your boundaries in response. While you can be polite and respectful of other people’s feelings, you don’t need to change your boundaries simply because they inconvenience others.
As you continue to develop your boundary-setting skills, consistency and assertiveness will show your friends and colleagues that you take your boundaries seriously. As time goes on, you’ll often find that you need to spend less time and effort setting boundaries, and you can spend more time going about your life as you see fit.
Improving Your Mental Health With a Healthy Boundary Setting
Boundary setting alone won’t necessarily solve all your mental health challenges. But by implementing this practice into your daily life, you create the space for rest and relaxation, seeking outr simply spending your time in the ways you’d like to spend it. Boundaries are just one component of living a healthier and more productive life in mental health recovery, but they are an important component that can change your outlook for years to come.
Find an Elite DNA location near you to get in touch with the mental health experts who can help guide you toward lasting recovery.
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